Spun Jess

in the closet. part one.

Mad Scientits

sometimes we get bored and make flipbooks...

The Absurdities of Vice and Felis

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Why doesn't my girlfriend's cat know how to fix the god damn stereo?

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And that's the last time I use an exacto knife while I'm naked.

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 There should be an R n'B song about bending a girl over the produce aisle and spraying her with a fine mist.

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The highlight of my 10:45 Art History class was realizing there was previously unnoticed cat vomit on my left sneaker.

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Why don't animals like Prog Metal?

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I failed my creative writing class because my professor didn't like my novel: "Are You There God? It's me Margaret Versus Predator."

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I feel great despondency for the one person who has to endure my focused misanthropy for all of mankind.

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 The above post is about hitting a guy with a slushee.

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I have a great proclivity for dressing depraved ideas in elegant semantics.

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I'd go to church if they had free chips and salsa.

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I can do anything if I put my mind to it.  I just feel like most things aren't worth putting my mind to.

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Frisbee.

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I just watched Tim Burton's Sleepy Hollow. Now I want Johnny Depp's Ichabod.

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Muffin's a little nap slut.

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Having a Korean girlfriend doesn't get you free Chinese food.

 

Shin Jealousy: a tale of when I got caught looking at a man's prosthetic legs while simultaneously wearing rolled up pant legs, thus feeling guilty about my sweet fleshy shins.

Panty Hamsters

Do you know which food item feels most like a vagina?

If you have ever seen Spike TV's program MANswers, then you know it is a spectacle to behold.  It starts with an energy drink guzzling announcer positing brainless and blatantly chauvinistic questions about breast size, alcohol consumption, and other subjects that would pique the interest of Al Bundy.  The show then tries to answer these questions with vague pseudo-science and hot chicks in lab coats (read: scientists.)  

The episode I saw asked the question: what kind of food feels the most like a vagina? 

In order to make the show as dudetastic as possible, the writers use a variety of words in substitution for 'vagina' including: beaver, muff burger, gravy maker, and... panty hamster.

When I heard 'panty hamster', I couldn't think of a vagina. All that came to mind was a pudgy hamster, sitting in a pair of woman's panties. Adorable.

And honestly, a hamster in a pair of undies is something so stupid you just have to draw.

By the way, if you're still wondering which food feels the most like a vagina: it's Veal. Those poor baby cows.